he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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