....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So many bounce houses so little time
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize