eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
