i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is Oprah even human
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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