be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
