I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
