You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
