I'm drive I can fine osifer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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