So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
