why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
