Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
