I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
