If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
