Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
