If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
