Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
