The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
