ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
