I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
