:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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