woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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