I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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