Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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