I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
