either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
