dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
