Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the high leading the old right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They took my balls.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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