You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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