using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
