I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
