idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
