i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
