Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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