so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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