Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
