I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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