dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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