I puked a lego.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
