Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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