that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
