My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
