you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
