At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
