Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
