is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
