You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
