True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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