im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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