We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
