Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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