How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
