All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Less talking, more tequila
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
