Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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