just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
