who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
