yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry about my life...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
