I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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