I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
