my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
