How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
