can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry about my life...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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