I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
