is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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