Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
