you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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