i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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